Tonight eight of the Republican presidential contenders will go at it. And by “it,” I mean objective reality. A Republican debate in Iowa—you would think it would be like a warm-up for debating in the real world, but what goes on in these debates has nothing to do with the real world. What’s happening tonight is a debate taking place in a bubble, featuring a bunch of bubbleheads.

There are already a lot of questions even before the debate. One big question is whether Jon Huntsman will show up. Oh, he’s going to be there, it’s just a question of whether or not he’ll show up on the radar. Huntsman just isn’t exciting. Watching Jon Huntsman is about as exciting as watching the spray tan dry on John Boehner’s face. Will the other candidates pile on Mitt Romney? That might not be such a good idea. If you get a big pile of Republican candidates, it’s going to seem like a big steaming pile of something else. Tim Pawlenty has given indications that he’s going to show some more backbone this time. That shouldn’t be too hard. Last time Pawlenty did everything but hand his lunch money over to Mitt Romney. Tim Pawlenty was afraid to go mano-a-mano with Mitt Romney! That’s like being afraid to engage Michele Bachmann in a battle of wits! All I know is this—Michele Bachmann would definitely win… if this were a staring contest.

Sarah Palin will be in Iowa. But she won’t be at the debate. Of course not. You’re liable to be asked a question at a debate. A question like—how much longer are you going to keep up this pathetic charade of pretending to run for president? While the real candidates are debating, Sarah Palin is going to Iowa to attend the Iowa State Fair. That’s appropriate. Not as appropriate as her being at a circus, but still appropriate. This Iowa appearance is par for the course for Palin. Back when Mitt Romney launched his campaign in New Hampshire, Sarah Palin appeared in New Hampshire the same day. Sarah Palin has a knack for showing up just where she is least wanted. But then to be fair, Sarah Palin isn’t wanted anywhere. She’s is starting to seem like those insane protesters from Fred Phelps’ Westboro Baptist Church. She just shows up outside of other people’s events and gets as much attention as she can and everybody gets disgusted.

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Mitt Romney catches hell in Iowa and responds with an impassioned defense of the rich…