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Tale of the tape

NFL

  1. Oakland Raiders v Seattle Seahawks Indianapolis Colts v New York Giants
    Tale Of The Tape: Seattle Seahawks At Indianapolis Colts

    Russell Wilson may not be one of the most picture-perfect quarterbacks in the NFL and there may be several passers who throw a nicer ball, but Wilson is simply a winner.

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    The Giants Losing To Carolina Vs. Little Mac Losing To Glass Joe In “Punch-Out”

    Perhaps the most lopsided battle in video game sports is that of Little Mac vs. Glass Joe – the first fight in Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out! If done correctly, skilled players can knock the beans out of Joe in 42 seconds, flat. Unskilled players can still take him out before three rounds are up. And unskilled players who think too much would wonder – why is a French guy named “Joe”?

    In any case, we here at CBS wondered, what was a more lopsided matchup (and subsequent surprising defeat): Mac vs. Joe? Or the recent Super Bowl champion New York Giants vs. the mostly hapless Carolina Panthers? Let’s go to the tape. Please note that the “winner” of each category is the more humiliating option:

  3. natecredit1.jpg digiornocredit1.jpg
    One Broken Arm Later: Nate Burleson’s Pizza Vs. DiGiorno (It’s Not Delivery)

    Detroit Lions’ wide receiver Nate Burleson is great at receiving both deftly thrown footballs and emergency roadside medical treatment. Recently, he crashed his car into a Jersey barrier after dropping a slice of pizza around 2:30 in the morning. Apparently there was no hooch in his system, it’s just that he was being a big ol’ bag of dum-dum lollipops. The question that we at CBS can’t help but ask: would he have been better off cooking himself a DiGiorno frozen pizza? Let’s go to the tape.

  4. seahawkscredit2.jpg texanscredit2.jpg
    Tale Of The Tape: Seattle Seahawks At Houston Texans

    Russell Wilson is not a system quarterback. While he is a perfect fit for Pete Carroll’s offense, Wilson would be a solid quarterback in any offense.

  5. New York Jets v New England Patriots "The Dark Knight Rises" New York Premiere - Inside Arrivals
    New England Patriots Vs. The Dark Knight Rises

    2012’s The Dark Knight Rises was met with extraordinary expectations. Similarly, the 2013 Patriots entered the season highly regarded – as they do every year that both T-Brads and Bill Belichick are on staff.

  6. jaguarscredit1.jpg seahawkscredit1.jpg
    Tale Of The Tape: Jacksonville Jaguars At Seattle Seahawks

    Will Blaine Gabbert be back for this game after getting cut in the opener and taking 15 stitches in his chin? He probably hopes not.